Attend the Tale of Sweeney Todd!

For those of you not familiar with Mr. Stephen Sondheim's goriest musical, you are in for a treat. Set against the backdrop of a grimy and depressing 1820's London, it is the tale of a man who has lost everything that he loved and is determined to put his life back together. When he realizes that this is impossible, he goes on a killing spree. Blood, guts, filth, depravity, and crooked teeth... is there a better way to spend Christmas afternoon?

The story begins with two sailors: handsome young Antony and a gloom-and-doom man named Sweeney Todd (played by Johnny Depp.) They are returning to their home of London after a long time at sea. Antony is happy to be coming home, but Sweeny tells him that "there's a hole in the world like a great black pit, and it goes by the name of London." As my dad would say, he's got his ass on his shoulders. As they part ways, Sweeny tells Antony that if he wants to keep in touch, he can be found around Fleet Street. We follow Sweeney through the streets to a pie shop that has seen better days; the proprietor, Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), has seen better days, too. They remember each other from the old days, when Sweeny had his barber shop on the second floor.

Through song and flashbacks, we see what happened to Sweeny. "There was a barber and his wife..." Sweeney, whose real name was Benjamin Barker, was the happiest man in the world, with a gorgeous wife and newborn daughter. Unfortunately for Benjamin, his beautiful Lucy was also the obsession of a powerful judge, Judge Turpin (played by a still-hot-after-all-these-years Alan Rickman), who found a way to get Benjamin out of the picture. Without explanation, Benjamin is whisked away to God Knows Where, and the judge is free to move in on Lucy.

Mrs. Lovett fills Sweeney in on the events of the last 15 years: Lucy poisoned herself after being raped by the judge, and the little baby Joanna was adopted by the judge. (Judges pretty much got to do whatever they wanted in this day and age, is the history lesson here. "But where was the Queen during all of this?!" was my mother's horrified observation.) Sweeney is crushed by this news but vows to have his revenge on the judge and save his now-teenaged daughter. And the story begins...

There are a lot of meanwhiles: Meanwhile, our young sailor has (quite conveniently for plot purposes) fallen in love with Joanna from her window. She is kept prisoner by Judge Turpin, who lusts after her as he did her mother. Meanwhile, we see that Mrs. Lovett has completely fallen head over heels in love with Sweeney. Meanwhile, Sweeney sets up shop again as the barber of Fleet Street above Mrs. Lovett's pie shop. It is when he encounters a blast from his past in the form of an ex-apprentice (Sasha Baron Coen of Borat fame) that the plot really gets under way. The man recognizes him as Benjamin Barker and tries to blackmail him-- what is Sweeny to do but slit his throat?

And really, with the price of meat what it is, what is Mrs. Lovett to do but, you guessed it...

Bake the body into pies!

And you'll have to see the rest for yourself.

As for my opinion of the movie, it's always difficult to compare remakes, adaptations, and the like. How many times do you hear people say, "Well, I loved the book, but..."? It was particularly challenging for me to keep an open mind with Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd because the play is MY FAVORITE MUSICAL. No joke. I know it all by heart, and in my fantasies I play both Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett. Just ask John. I thought the story translated really well to film: the set design was awesome, as well as the costumes, cinematography, and score. In my opinion, Mr. Burton had all the pieces of a beautiful puzzle laid out for him by the ingenious Stephen Sonheim. All he had to do was cast it well.

That's where he stubbed his toe. I know he's married to HBC. I know he and Johnny Depp are BFF. And I love Helena and Johnny... just not in these roles! For all that Helena looks the part of Mrs. Lovett, her voice was completely wrong (Angela Lansbury, who originated the role, just set the bar too high). The two funniest songs in the whole show were sung with absolutely no energy, and quite frankly, no diction. Half the jokes were lost on delivery. To be fair, when she sings the sweeter numbers ("Nothin's Gonna Harm You, et al), her voice is really pretty. I didn't have much of a problem with her acting; her singing was just lackluster.

As for Johnny, he really, really tried. But he is just not Sweeney. Firstly, his voice is too high. Secondly, I didn't really see the breadth of emotion that is necessary for such a larger-than-life role. When he wasn't slicing someone's throat, he was zoned out, looking off into Never-Never Land. (Edward Scissorhands will never look the same after you see this movie.)

I realize it's unfair to compare these two honest efforts to the legends of the stage that immortalized these roles. So if you haven't seen Sweeney Todd on stage or listened to the soundtrack or rented the version with Angela Lansbury and Len Cariou, I do recommend seeing Tim Burton's movie first, and then going out and doing all the rest. The movie gives you a visual landscape that a play just cannot. And if you are a ST devotee like I am, see it anyway, but try to remember that nepotism reigns in Hollywood.

Merry Christmas, everybody!