Royal Pains: House in the Hamptons

Royal Pains is a new hour-long series that premiered last Thursday at 9c on the USA network . It stars TV veteran Mark Feuerstein as Hank Lawson, a "Medical McGuyver" ER doctor who gets blackballed by mainstream medicine and ends up becoming a high-paid "concierge doctor" -- a personal physician to the uber-wealthy of the Hamptons.

In the pilot episode, Hank gets dragged to a party in the Hamptons by his brother, Evan, who is basically a dorky accountant version of Christian Troy. At the party, Hank rescues a beautiful girl who is misdiagnosed by the party doctor (you see, these parties get so hardcore out there that each one needs its own medical staff) and then, after being offered cash by the creepy Austrian count hosting the party (the awesome Campbell Scott), disappears into the night from whence he came, with every intention of leaving the Hamptons and never coming back.

Of course, after just one awesome display of ER heroics, Hank's phone number gets magically teleported into the cell phones of every rich person in the Hamptons. By the end of the next day, overly-reluctant Hank ends up diagnosing a "cyberchondriac" teenager, saving a hemophiliac car crash victim with on-the-spot surgery, popping a breast implant, hiring a cute (but odd) Indian girl as his assistant, fighting off the advances of the beautiful girl whose life he saved, and going on a date with the local hospital administrator. After having praise, money (bar of gold!), and women thrown at him all day long, Hank finally capitulates, gives in to his awesomeness, and becomes Campbell Scott's concierge doctor.

Hank is like the action-hero version of Greg House (timeout: I'll give you a second to appreciate my fantastic pun in the title), because he has to diagnose you and treat you in a matter of seconds, all the while using household items like pens, scissors, baggies, and vodka. In other words, he's better than House, because he does it all, and faster, and dreamier -- but not as humorously (his brother, played by the "smart one" from Road Trip, aka Paul Costanzo, is the comic relief).

Recommendation: Royal Pains looks like it will be more lighthearted than the topic matter might normally allow (Royal Pains : Medicine :: Burn Notice : Espionage), so that's a plus if you don't need realism and don't mind not being sad. Subject matter-wise, it probably falls somewhere between Nip/Tuck and House on the continuum of medical dramedies. If you like Nip/Tuck, you'll enjoy Royal Pains' wacky Felix-Oscar brother dynamic, the ultra-eccentric clients, and a bevy of gratuitously placed beautiful women. If you like House, you'll enjoy Royal Pains' quick-form diagnostics and outside-the-box professionalism.