Granny Guignol

The term "Grand Guignol" refers to a style of theatre that emerged in Paris in the early 1900's, which featured horrible things happening to people for no other reason than shock value. For the price of one ticket, the audience saw several vignettes of rape, incest, murder, infantacide, and amputations. The settings were often churches, cloisters, nurseries, and insane asylums. Leave it to the French to invent torture porn.

In the spirit of the season, and because I just can't get enough Shelley Winters in my celluloid diet (kidding), I have begun a survey of the Psycho-biddy genre. An heir to the Grand Guignol style, it features the same depraved themes, but with a twist: the main character is always an aging lady. Hence the biddy part of Psycho-biddy. Or, as John likes to call them: Granny Guignol movies.

After the success of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? and its follow-up Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, Hollywood went Psycho-biddy with some of these gems:

What's the Matter With Helen? Shelley Winters and a lovely Debbie Reynolds star as two biddies who flee to the West Coast, change their names, and open up a kiddie dance studio after their sons go to jail for murder. Everything goes along swimmingly until they start receiving prank calls from someone who knows their secret and wants them to pay for their sons' crimes. Bunnies die, hobos fall down stairs, and Shelley Winters (the eponymous Helen) is as bad as ever. A couple of strategically placed dance numbers for Reynolds are cheap but entertaining highlights in an otherwise bore-fest.

Whoever Slew Auntie Roo? Shelley Winters is back, this time as the wicked old witch in this retelling of the Hansel and Gretel tale. Auntie Roo is a sweet widow who hosts a lavish sleepover for the local orphans every Christmas at her mansion in the English countryside. When one of her guests reminds her of her deceased daughter, she locks the little girl up in a hidden nursery and bats her eyelashes at the police when they come searching. The little girl's brother becomes a prisoner, too, when he sniffs around and discovers some nasty secrets about Auntie Roo and her dead daughter. The camp factor was high, but I was on the edge of my seat during the climax. Ms. Winters was very convincing. A must for young horror fans.

Lady in a Cage Quite possibly one of the darkest movies of the Sixties, at least that this reviewer has seen, this flick stars Olivia de Havilland as a rich middle-aged woman whose recently broken hip leads her to install a caged elevator in her home. Alone for the Fourth of July weekend (her son lives with her, but he's away for the holiday), the Lady is almost to the landing when the electricity goes out and she is trapped. What follows is the worst hour and a half of this woman's life: invading winos, looting hustlers, a staged execution, and James Caan's film debut. Truly depraved. James Caan's bottom bitch actually gets turned on by the thought of the electric chair, and a Dear John letter hints at a most inappropriate relationship between the Lady and her son. Excellent.

Happy Halloween, dear readers, and happy watching!

Scariest Movies Revisited: I Must Have Buried this List in the Pet Cemetery

Happy Halloween! Reading Allen's Top Ten Horror Movies, I realized that we all did something similar to this last year, before Allen joined the team and back when we had the services of some other great, but currently AWOL reviewers:

Aaron: Top Ten Most Effective Horror Films

Bree: Oops I Crapped My Pants . . . Watching These Horror Flicks
John: John's Top Ten Most Effective Horror-ish Films
Nilay: Ten Ways to Scare Yourself S**tless

Interesting fact: No single movie made every list!

Top Ten Horror Movies That Messed With My Mind

Happy Halloween everyone. To celebrate the occasion, and because every other writer on this blog has already offered up their picks I have decided to give you mine. These are the movies that over the years have hit me the hardest in terms of dread, fear, and scares.

10. Spoorloos (The Vanishing) (1988): If your obsession leads to your undoing, then meeting your demise by being buried alive must be like salt in a open wound. That and I can't really think of a more terrifying way to die.

9. The Night of the Hunter (1955): Long before Freddy Krueger or Jerry Blake there was Harry Powell (Robert Mitchum's finest hour). A preacher traveling the countryside spreading his personal proverb of love and hate. He also slaughters widows, and stalks children who are hiding some stolen loot. This may be the most strikingly beautiful film on this list. The cinematography is amazing, the images are haunting, and it's all in pulpy black & white. It truly is a hard world for little things.

8. Frailty (2001): More heartbreaking than horrifying, all the more so since I am so close with my own father. Having God tear your family in two by sending dad out to slaughter the wicked is a hell of a set-up, but it's nothing compared to the resolution. Madness or a higher calling? The Lord moves in mysterious ways indeed.

7. & 6. The Fly (1958 & 1986): I saw the original as a child, and the final scene where the fly with the human head screeches "Help Me!" as the spider closes in was pure terror. A character then exclaims "I will never forget that scream for as long as I live." I knew just how he felt. The remake made incredibly grotesque changes for the better. Witnessing your body slowly undergo a metamorphosis into something non-human must feel like a nightmare you are unable to awake from. Be afraid... I sure was.

5. Irreversible (2002): Not truly a horror film you say? It's the only movie on this list that was so intense I had to look away. This is less a film, and more an endurance test.

4. Poltergeist (1982): The best haunted house movie ever made period. Why? They have a legitimate reason to stay. For all of the face-ripping, clown scares, and moving furniture nothing raises more goosebumps than hearing a child stuck in another dimension cry "Mommmmy! I can't see you mommy. Where are you?" Through the television.

3. Halloween (1978): To this day I still check the backseat of my car at night. That is the power this simple slasher classic holds over me. The soundtrack is extremely chilling, and might be the most recognizable in horror film history. Sequels, remakes, rip-offs, and even sequels of remakes be damned. This knife-in-hand, stalking from the shadows thriller is still easily the most effective.

2. The Exorcist (1973): It may seem like a cliche pick, but I must give credit where credit is due. This movie is too damn freaky. The vomit, the spider-walk, the head spinning, the levitating, the subliminal shock cuts. The scariest thing to me? Mercedes McCambridge's voice. It was so raspy and disturbing that it alone deserved an oscar nod.

1. Psycho (1960): A perfect film. It masterfully hits every kind of scare tactic possible. Its creepy (final shot), suspenseful (don't go into the fruit cellar), deceptive (the first protagonist is a thief, the second is really the antagonist in drag), disturbing (discussions over dinner), shocking (a twist in the middle and the end), violent (shower and staircase), and unforgettable (the entire movie).

Honorable Mentions

Try watching Suspiria with headphones on, and the lights off. It is an experience that could very well drive you mad. The decapitation scene in Exorcist III is one of the scariest goddamn things I've ever seen. The best part? You never actually see it happen. You may notice that not a single zombie movie made this list, and there is an explanation. As much as I love the original Dawn of the Dead, Army of Darkness, and countless other zombie movies I find them way too fun to be truly scary. (Although that pencil through the ankle scene in Evil Dead gets me every time. It is ruthless). The Blair Witch Project, Ringu, Alien, and The Thing are all also quite fantastic.

Assorted Links: Halloween Edition

- Ten movies that scared Wes Craven.

- Watch the original ending of Paranormal Activity!

- Can Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko, Southland Tales) finally make a coherent, digestible film? RT interviews him here about The Box.*

- Sin City 2 is upcoming, but only after some more Spy Kids movies and Machete and the Predator remake.

- Watch the teaser trailer for season 8 of 24! Looks like Chloe and Kim are back in some capacity. Didn't see Agent Rene, which is a big downer.

- So this is what the A-Team looks like. I was skeptical, but it looks like Liam Neeson is pulling it off. But who's Quinton "Rampage" Jackson? Should I know this?

- Hurwitz will direct the Arrested Development movie, as expected. Apparently the plot will involve jail time and TARP money.

- An Indiana Jones action figure that comes with a fridge. 'Nuff said.

* This title allows easy adaptation for porn parodies. heh, heh.

The House of the Devil: A Satanic Sanctuary

I had a great deal of curiosity about The House of the Devil and its reputation before I finally got a chance to see it this evening. I had read so many positive and negative things about this film that my interest persuaded me to see it for myself. After some research I discovered that I had a few options as to how I would get to see it. You must understand that this is one of those very low-budget films that is incredibly experimental, even in its distribution process. It began playing On Demand at the beginning of this month, but the $10.99 price tag seemed a little steep. I learned that it would be playing in theatres starting the day before Halloween, but on an extremely limited run. My final option was discovering that it would be playing on the HD Net Movies channel tonight... for free! The choice seemed fairly obvious, so I fired up my DVR and let the madness ensue.

The House of the Devil tells the story of a young woman in desperate need of some fast cash, and a cult of very creepy satanists in desperate need of a young woman. Samantha (Jocelin Donahue) has just decided to rent a place of her own. She is nearly broke and has to come up with three hundred dollars by Monday. She replies to a very simple babysitters wanted add promising big bucks for a few hours work. Even after getting a really bad vibe from the potential employers Mr. and Mrs. Ulman (Tom Noonan & Mary Woronov) and learning that it will not be a child, but instead an old woman she will be looking after, she decides to take the job anyway. Did I mention that this is all taking place on the same night as a total lunar eclipse?

The first thing that strikes me about this film is that its style and pacing is dead on. I had previously read that this film plays like an early eighties babysitter-in-peril thriller, and that assessment is more than accurate. In fact, if I had no prior knowledge of this film I might have believed that it actually had been made in the eighties. The fashion, the hairstyles, and the gritty look was seamless. There is even an inspired mood lightening moment as Samantha jams on her Walkman to the Fixx's catchy "One Thing Leads to Another."

When it comes to the pacing this factor will determine what separates the true horror fans from the inexperienced moviegoers just looking for a quick shock. Patience truly pays off. So much so that when this film finally does go wild in the final act that I actually missed and appreciated the slow, beautiful, and creepy setup even more.

The acting is also really worth mentioning. This is Jocelin Donahue's first starring role as Samantha, and she is actually quite good in it. Looking like a cross between Shannen Doherty and a young Margot Kidder, she is both pretty and a little bookish, making her a perfect damsel in distress. Then there is Tom Noonan, and he is still alarmingly creepy after all of these years. A tall, disturbingly eerie, and calm individual. You can tell there is something more sinister under his surface. Anyone who has ever seen Michael Mann's Manhunter knows exactly what I am talking about.

The House of the Devil is a wonderful little retro slow-boil. I had expected to be bored, but was closer to being hypnotized by it. They just don't make em like this anymore. I highly recommend this one, just don't have a pizza delivered to your house before you see it. You might not be able to eat it. A-

Night of the Creeps (Blu-Ray): "Thrill Me!"

After years of only being able to see this film edited to pieces on the Sci-Fi channel (sorry, Syfy) or as a badly downloaded dub off the Internet, today is a cause for celebration. The 1986 cult classic Night of the Creeps has FINALLY gotten a proper DVD release. With all of the extras included and the feature presented in high-def glory I can certainly say it was worth the wait.

If ever there was a horror film that went for broke and did its homework, this is it. Night of the Creeps is an everything and the kitchen sink film if I've ever seen one. Space aliens, killer slugs, sorority row, zombies, hard boiled noir detectives, ax murders, and a flame thrower! On top of all that it's also hilarious, violent, disgusting, at times a little depressing, and finally for lack of a better word creepy.

The film opens on a space ship with some very funny looking aliens chasing, laser-blasting, and swearing in their own language (their captions are in both English & their alien language: Genius.) One of the aliens ends up dropping a tube out of a chute, and it lands on earth circa 1959. The film then becomes an old, beautiful, black and white horror show where a couple teens at make out point meet their demise in two completely different urban legend scenarios: In a very Blob like fashion a killer space slug jumps into his mouth curiosity of the tube, and she is stalked by an escaped insane asylum patient. Just before the ax comes down the film then cuts again to pledge week 1986.

This is where we meet Chris (every ones least favorite Rusty from European Vacation) and his best friend J.C. (the best smart-ass oddball sidekick next to Evil from Fright Night). In order for Chris to win the affection of his dream girl Cynthia, he and J.C. decide to join a fraternity. Their initiation prank requires a dead body, and the one they find has been on ice since 1959. That's right, it's the same guy with the alien slug still in his system. Before long killer slugs are squirming all over town, and they are reanimating the dead. The bulk of action just happens to take place on the night of the formal. This means our heroes are in tuxes and dresses while simultaneously packing shotguns.

There is one character in this film that can tie all of theses events together, and that is Detective Ray Cameron (a masterful performance from Tom Atkins). He was the rookie on duty the night his ex-girlfriend was hacked to pieces, and he is the only person in the present that believes Chris and his wild stories of the undead. The man is a character straight out of trashy pulp novels. He smokes, drinks, is hard-edged, has tons of sarcastic one liners, and is even suicidal. In a truly chilling scene he describes to Chris in detail how he took revenge on the psycho that killed his lost love, and is a little more than haunted when he realizes he must kill that same psycho for a second time.

It's obvious that writer/director Fred Dekker is totally in love with early B-horror films, and this film plays like a greatest hits compilation. It mixes early Romero and Cronenberg ideas, and uses many classic tracking shots from Spielberg's Jaws. It truly is one of the most unique and fun horror films of the eighties. Now that it is widely available I recommend seeing it the first chance you get. "It's Miller time!" A

Cameron's Comeback & A Spooky Switch

I saw the new Avatar trailer this weekend and felt like I had just witnessed a three and a half minute epic. We have got a big blue alien race, valuable minerals, an exotic new planet, military hardware, and a conscience inspired rebellion. Looks like District 9 (while still very good) was only a warm up. I have complete confidence in Cameron. This is a director notorious for betting the bank on epic projects, and he always comes out on top both critically and commercially. I like to think of him as Michael Bay with talent. Much like the recent trailer for the Coen brothers A Serious Man there is a rundown of Cameron's past projects: The Terminator, Aliens, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, True Lies, & Titanic (all awesome). With a track record like that and Twentieth Century Fox in desperate need of a hit I really hope they have one here.

I also must note that I spent a good deal of this weekend watching the little indie thriller Paranormal Activity work its magic on hundreds of people as it finally made it's way to theatres in town. Knowing full well what was going to happen on-screen (I snuck in several times at about the final reel) I found the real show was watching the masses freaking out with fear. Seeing about 250 people jump in unison, and hearing them scream at the top of their lungs is pretty funny stuff. People walked out shaking as if they had just witnessed their mother getting hit by a car.

I pleases me to see that the Saw franchise seems to be running out of steam. Audiences are now more interested and terrified by shadows, wind, and footprints as opposed to mindless slaughter and gore. There might be hope for horror films yet... until Paranormal Activity 2 that is.

The Horror...The Humor

Not all horror films have pure terror in mind. This year we have seen some pretty amazing films that successfully mingle the funny and the frightening. With Drag Me to Hell now available on DVD, Zombieland still slaying them in theatres, and with Halloween just around the corner here are a couple of other picks that will chill you to the bone and tickle your funny one.

The Gate: Just released on a new special edition DVD this campy fright film is pretty tame by today's standards, but is likely to scare the bejesus out of anyone under ten. After the old tree in Glen's (A very young Stephen Dorff) backyard is removed all sorts of evil is unleashed from the remaining hole. Tiny gremlins, body-possession, zombies, satanic music, and toy rockets all play a part in delivering the goods. In some respects this can almost be thought of as Evil Dead for kids. The special effects are dated, but still hold a certain retro charm. B+

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon: I normally don't go in for direct-to-video movies, but this one is vastly overlooked. This is what would happen if Christopher Guest had directed John Carpenter's Halloween. This film does for slashers what Best in Show did for dog competitions. Leslie Vernon is a serial killer who is planning his big night of mayhem.

He has invited a documentary crew to follow him around as he teaches them the tricks of his trade. From the bushes and shadows we meet his targeted group of popular high school victims, the lone virgin survivor, and my personal favorite his "Ahab." A slightly insane doctor that knows Vernon's true nature and will stop at nothing to capture his "white whale." (An overly obvious nod to Donald Pleasence's character Dr. Looms.) Behind the Mask is very intelligent, humorous, respectful, and in an inspired move actually becomes an effective scare show in the final act when Leslie turns on the camera crew and stalks them as well. A

The Monster Squad: I like to think of this almost as a very good Goonies knock off with a classic horror icons theme. A small club of monster fanatic grade schoolers that meet in their tree house must work together to stop the freshly awakened Dracula after he begins to terrorize their small town. The worst part is that Dracula is not alone. He has brought

Frankenstein's monster, the creature form the black lagoon, and the mummy with him. This is one of those movies every kid remembers seeing for the first time. It has just the right amount of scares that jolt without terrifying. The language, humor, and some of the themes are bit more risque compared to other kid's films. This might be due to the fact this this was one of the first films written by the masterful Shane Black. (The same year he wrote Lethal Weapon) Everyone who has seen this remembers the classic "Wolfman's got nards!" line, but I always get a bigger laugh out of "How does that dog get up here anyway?" A-

Note: The Monster Squad is Director Fred Dekker's follow-up to Night of the Creeps which I will be reviewing next week when it finally gets a DVD release.

Poor Man's ______ (Movie Edition)

I couldn't stop laughing at/admiring some of Mike's picks and John's thoughts on how certain actors are lesser versions of better ones. It inspired me to make a similar list (this time with films) of projects that are reminiscent yet slightly off.

• Leviathan is a poor man's Alien
• Sidekicks is a poor man's The Karate Kid
• Dressed to Kill is a poor man's Psycho (Come to think of it De Palma is pretty much a poor man's Hitchcock)
• Charlie Bartlett is NOT a poor man's Ferris Bueller's Day Off, it IS however a poor man's Pump Up the Volume
• Doomsday is a poor man's Escape from New York (and to a lesser extent it is also a poor man's Excalibur and The Road Warrior)
• Last Man Standing is a poor man's Fistful of Dollars which itself is a poor man's Yojimbo (gangster, western, or samurai-all versions are badass)
• I would love to call Boiler Room a poor man's Glengarry Glen Ross, but technically I can't considering it makes a direct reference to it.
• Extreme Prejudice is a poor man's The Wild Bunch
• In the Land of Women is a poor man's Garden State
• Undertow is a poor man's Night of the Hunter
• Tommy Boy is a poor man's Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
• 8 Mile might have come first, but I still feel that it is the poor man's Hustle & Flow

I could probably go on and on with this not to mention make an list of dozens of films that are a poor man's Pulp Fiction. Let me know if you feel the same, differently, and feel free to add your own picks.

Note: Just because I believe a movie is a cheaper version of another does not necessarily mean I don't like it. As much as I love steak, sometimes a hamburger sounds good instead.

Poor Man's ______

Courtesy of Mike Bristow's facebook status:

Skeet Ulrich is a poor man's Johnny Depp, Scott Glenn is a poor man's Clint Eastwood, Jeanne Tripplehorn is a poor man's Marcia Gay Harden, Jennifer Jason Leigh is a poor man's Maria Bello (who is a poor man's Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio who is a poor man's Julia Ormond), Famke Janssen is a poor man's Franka Potente, and Ellen Page/Matthew Lillard/Abigail Breslin are all poor man's versions of themselves.

Skeet is definitely a poor man's Johnny Depp. After that it gets a little cloudy: Scott Glen is no more than a poor man's Miguel Ferrer -- God is a poor man's Clint Eastwood [you can quote me on that]; Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is no poor man's anything (ahem, Color of Money); I always thought that Julia Ormond was a poor man's Juliette Binoche; Jeanne Tripplehorn (Waterworld) is a poor man's Jeanne Tripplehorn (Basic Instinct); Marcia Gay Harden is a poor man's Abe Vigoda.

Citizen's Arresting

Is it possible to take bad concepts from terrible yet considerably different films, slightly alter and blend them all together, and manage to create a decent film out of all of this mess? Well that is exactly what Law Abiding Citizen attempts. Using a Revenge-justice system flaws-snuff film template can not be easy, but this film actually manages to find (very minimal) success in doing just that.

How is this for a setup? For never fully explained reasons, Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) is attacked by two men and is forced to watch the rape and slaughter of his family. During the trial a deal is cut by D.A. Nick Rice (Jamie Fox) that sends the lesser of the two criminals to death row, and lets the main offender walk after a few years in prison. This does not sit well with Clyde. He spends the next decade forming an intricate plan that allows him bloody revenge against the killers. Then he sets his sights on Nick, his his law firm, and the justice system itself. The interesting twist is that Clyde is somehow performing the second act of his vengeance from behind bars after he is captured for killing the men who took his family.

If you were to break this film down you basically have the plots of the crappy Steven Seagal revenge thriller Hard to Kill, the grisly yet dopey death trap while incarcerated sequel Saw II, and the moronic legal system needs to change through a lesson drama The Life of David Gale. With a combination like that there is no way this film should work. Now that we know what's wrong with this picture let me try to explain what is right.

It is fairly entertaining. This movie wastes no time getting right to the point and continues to move at a very brisk pace. There are some smart and shocking little surprises that are peppered throughout the film. Then there is Butler's performance. As much as I liked him in 300 and RocknRolla, they were not quite memorable for their acting. Here Butler displays an slightly impressive amount of range. We believe him as the grieving family man, the technical genius, and the sinister/angry vengeance taker. It's no easy feat simultaneously playing both the hero and the villain (see Michael Douglas in Falling Down), yet Butler manages to do both just fine.

Law Abiding Citizen may be trash, but at least it is somewhat risky, chance-taking, and entertaining trash. It's ideas about the law may not hold a lot of water, but it does make one pause and think: "Why are there so many loopholes in the system?" Butler finally seems to be coming into his own as an actor (Dear Frankie has an amazing performance). He is quickly becoming a dude that abides. B-

Couples Retreat: Don't Advance

1. Couples Retreat: Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell play a married couple who are having problems, so they decide to go to a (you guessed it!) couples retreat on a tropical island. However, they can't afford it, so they have to convince their friends to come so they can get a group rate. There's a well-adjusted couple (Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman), a pair of high-school sweethearts who married too young and now hate each other (Jon Favreau and Kristen Davis), and a weeks old rebound relationship (Faison Love and Kali Hawk).

2. If you placed this movie on a graph where CORNY was the x-axis and FUNNY was the y-axis, it would be located in the lower right-hand quadrant. This is not an Apatow-style comedy where gross-out laughs outweigh sentimentality and cuteness.*

3. The only thing that's funny about this movie is Vince Vaughn. He's doing his usual shtick, and, as always, it works. (Incidentally, if you subtracted Vince Vaughn from any of the movies he's been in over the past ten years, they would be totally unbearable). Jason Bateman is just spazzing out the entire time, and Jon Favreau tries some humor with an attempted masturbation scene and an attempted "happy ending" scene. Not hilarious.

4. The plot is basically this: They thought it would be a vacation, but it's really mandatory counseling, and no one is happy about it except for Jason Bateman's character. Jean Reno, Ken Jeong, John Michael Higgins, and Peter Serafinowicz (whom you might know from UK series Spaced and Look Around You) are the uber-serious managers who keep the characters unhappy and ornery throughout, and they're doing typically quality work with less-than-quality writing.

5. Much of the movie is a Guitar Hero commercial. Seriously, it cannot be coincidental. I bet that money was exchanged.

* Of course, I am referring to "Pre-Self-Indulgence Apatow" otherwise known as B.F.P., or "Before Funny People"

Artifact: Basterds in Turkish, Vertigo in Greek

Whenever I take a trip to a foreign country, I always try to bring back some part of the local film culture with me.

Sometimes I watch a movie there (i.e., I saw Death Proof in Vienna, dubbed.) On my last trip I took a couple snapshots of posters outside theaters.

The first is a Turkish poster for Inglourious Basterds, which I found walking around the city of Izmir, Turkey.

The second is a poster for Hitchcock's Vertigo, which I found in front of a theater in Athens, not far from the Acropolis.

Addendum: Paranormal Activity

I saw this movie yesterday morning (11:30 am show -- hardly anyone in the audience) and I can tell you that everything Allen just said is accurate. I have a couple extra notes:

1. After this movie was over, Bree turned to me and was like, "that was lame." My reaction was: "For a movie that was lame, you were sure grabbing my arm and covering your face a lot." Moral of the story: bring a date, guys.

2. As Allen said, there's a lot of downtime between the "scary" stuff. The downtime consists of the guy (Micah) bothering his girlfriend (Katie) with the camera, while she begs him to take her haunting seriously. All the "scary" stuff (save one living room scene) is the time-coded darkened bedroom footage. I agree that the downtime could have been cut, but then the movie might only have been 45 minutes.

3. Unlike Blair Witch, there are special effects in this one, and they're damn good, especially considering the movie only cost $11,000 to make.

4. Katie Featherston (the girl) was a much better actress than her male counterpart. She might be able to advance her career with this performance, though she might be held back by her more-than-vague resemblance to the Office's Jenna Fischer.

5. While this film won't linger in anyone's subconscious for too long, it will probably induce men to take their partners' sleepwalking more seriously. Just sayin'.

Paranormal Activity: Sleep Tight

I feel that Paranormal Activity is a film that will forever be judged based on the level of hype it has received upon its release. Is this one of the scariest films of all time? No. Is it a fresh and original idea? No. Does it contain far more creepy or fear inducing moments than not? No. Will you have trouble drifting off to sleep later that night? I'm much less inclined to say no on this one, and that my be why I liked it.

The setup (like everything about this film) is a very simple one. A young couple sets up a camera to film 'disturbances' they have been experiencing over a extended period of time. The whole film works as a build up. Nothing happens for the first few nights, but we are already on guard. When things do start to happen (I refuse to explain ANY of the occurrences because discovering them for yourself is the fun part) they start out small, but don't remain that way. Doses of creepiness and terror are delivered to an equal and effective degree.

The problem with Paranormal Activity is that so much time is spent on the couple teasing, bickering, and worrying about the occurrences than dealing with them or actually getting to see them in action. To put it bluntly I felt this film drug its feet far too often. Many scenes could have been snipped right out and would have never been missed. We are however told early in the film that these spirits are reinforced by negative energy, and this may be why this couple argues about the situation constantly. Is it a plot device or are they are just scared? Probably both.

This film will rightfully be compared to The Blair Witch Project one of the most ingenious horror films made in the last decade, if not ever. The pacing, the budget, the minimal cast of non-actors, the faux-documentary format, and even the Internet marketing strategy (not playing in your area? Demand it!) are all nearly identical. Many people feel that Blair Witch was nothing more than three college kids screaming obscenities at one another while freaky shit goes down in the dead of night. Paranormal Activity has made some appropriate changes to satisfy the audience members that lack an imagination, but truth be told you are pretty much watching the same movie.

There are quite a few moments in Paranormal Activity that manage to pack a wallop. If you do see this film at the theatre I recommend seeing it with a sold out crowd. During the sleep sessions it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. When 'stuff' begins to happen there were waves of gasps, shrikes, screams, and laughter. There were moments you could feel the audience tense up, and I went right along with them. I'm willing to bet this film will be effective in a completely different way if you were to rent it some night and watch it with your significant other...just before bedtime. B

The Ghost Hunters Hit the Road

On my way to Indy tomorrow afternoon to see the much buzzed about Blair Witch-esque thriller Paranormal Activity. I have never driven more than forty miles or so just to see a movie that I know will be playing in town next week, but what the hell I'm still totally excited. Will keep you updated on the adventure with a full length review to follow in the coming days. Hope the film isn't so terrifying we lose our minds, also hoping not to get stabbed.

Zombies All Around

Spurred by the recent success of Zombieland, The Boston Globe has named its top 20 zombie movies of all time. (#1 is the original Dawn of the Dead, but there are numerous films I've never heard of on this list. Definitely a subject for further research).

Discuss.

P.S. I highly enjoyed Zombieland. Great review, Allen.

Zombieland: A Fun Carnival of Carnage

Five minutes. That is roughly how long it took for me to fall in love with this one. In this case it might be best to start at the beginning. The opening credit sequence is a hilarious slow motion montage of zombie infused mayhem scored expertly to Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." Is there quite possibly a better way to kick off the apocalypse then with heavy metal and undead pole dancers? Time marches on indeed... the running time that is.

Zombieland can probably best be described as the screen adaptation of the hilarious and informative book: The Zombie Survival Guide. The book gives the reader such helpful advice as wearing tight fitting clothing, keeping a short hair cut, and always carrying a sharp blade as a back up weapon (they never run out of ammunition). The film also offers similar tips for surviving legions of the undead that pop up as captions all over the place. Some of these include: having good cardio, double tapping your kill, and refrain from being a hero. Both the film and the book understand how to apply a sense of logic to an absurd situation. That might be partially why the humor angle works so well.

Woody Harrelson and Jessie Eisenberg star as Tallahassee and Columbus. An odd-couple of zombie slayers that decide to team up and roam the land in search of surviving family members and Twinkies. Both are extremely difficult to come by. On their journey they are swindled (twice) by a pair of professional con-artist sisters named Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). All of these drifters slowly begin to realize they might be the last of humanity, and in true human form take way too much time to develop trust for one another.

All of these characters have a personal agenda. Tallahassee just wants to tear shit up as he searches for those little whipped cream filled cakes. Columbus desires to brush his fingers through a girl's hair. Wichita is working to keep her little sister safe. Little Rock wants nothing more than to visit an amusement park. Any guesses as to where the final act of this film takes place?

I can't stress enough how much fun I had watching Zombieland. It contains everything you should come to expect from a typical zombie film: flesh-eating, blood-spraying, and gun-blazing are abound in this one. There is also a lot of humor in the narration, dialogue, and a few of the more unique ways of dispatching the undead. It might lack some of dry brit wit of the otherwise amazing Shaun of the Dead, but these are surprisingly two very different kinds of zom coms. Who knew that was possible?

In conclusion it is a pretty safe bet to say that Zombieland will do for thrill rides what the original Dawn of the Dead did for shopping malls. Keep your hands and arms inside the car at all times (they could get bitten). If your anything like me then once this ride is over you will running back to hop on again. Rule #33: Have a great time. A-

Back in the States

Allen-- thanks for holding down the fort while I was gone! I have a lot to catch up on in the next couple days, so when I feel educated enough to lay down some commentary I'll post something new.