What's on my mind? The Social Network Review (Facebook Status Edition)


As of this review I may only have a paltry sixty nine friends on Facebook, but that is still sixty nine more friends than Mark Zuckerburg (Jessie Eisenberg) will ever have. This film truly is the Citizen Kane of the digital era with Facebook as Zuckerburg's Inquirer, his unwanted fortune as his Xanadu, and Erica Albright (Rooney Mara) as his Rosebud. It also happens to be the best film I've seen so far this year. :) A

Let Me In: Rip the Right One Off

I find that the words 'Great' and 'Remake' so rarely come together in the same sentence. It is even more difficult to use those words when the key elements of the film involve pre-teens, romance, and vampires. These themes are usually terrible enough on their own, and downright deadly when combined. In that respect Matt Reeves' Let Me In is a small miracle. Not only is it all of these things, but (devotees of the original might want to hang me from a tree and drain my blood after reading this next part) it might have even surpassed its source material.

When it comes to discussing a plot summary I have decided to make this really easy for you. If you have already seen the original Swedish version of this film entitled Let the Right One In, then you don't need one. On the other hand if you had no idea that this was a remake until just now then I am going to direct you to Aaron's excellent review of the original. Both of these films contain the exact same story and while certain scenes are identical, make no mistake that this is not just a simple shot-for-shot remake. I actually found that many of the changes this new version makes further enhances both the mood and the story.

Naturally the main focus of the film involves the achingly effective romance angle, and while it is central in both films it is the element I am least inclined to discuss in this review. Instead my focus will be on several of the smaller but equally powerful and fascinating themes that float thought this grim tale.

The subject of bullying in both films is one of extreme importance and interest to me. Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) is sadistically tormented daily by a trio of juvenile thugs, and these scenes really got my blood pumping with flat out anger. What I find so terrifying about this is that you can see how their actions have soaked into Owen's psyche. This generally good kid now spends his evenings in front of a mirror holding a knife and donning a creepy faceless mask (a la John Carpenter's Halloween) while dreaming out acts of retribution. If that isn't a warning sign of a possible homicidal future then I don't know what is. It is disturbing on multiple levels.

Speaking of Halloween, several of the pre-mentioned positive changes this film has made seem to have taken a page from Carpenter's classic. Abby's caretaker (Richard Jenkins) has a different blood hunting method. Instead of just walking up to random strangers with a sleeping agent, he now hides in the back seat of their cars wearing a garbage bag mask, and waits for an opportunity to strike. The scene where his plan backfires is a masterstroke of tension for both the hunter and the hunted. The fact that Blue Oyster Cult blares out of the radio and there is a struggle just within a person's peripheral vision makes the comparison to Halloween all the more logical. The scene's grand finale of the getaway vehicle taking a dive with a POV shot of the interior is a masterstroke. You really get the sense that they rolled a car with a camera rigged inside it.

Every performance is exactly the way it should be. Everyone plays their role straight and somber. I don't recall a single instance of showboating. There is a scene of such silent grace between Chole Mortez and Richard Jenkins where she slowly caresses his face with her hand that speaks volumes without a spoken word. The relationship between the kids is equally believable. I always felt that it wasn't quite love they were longing for, but companionship. In any case it is powerful stuff in both versions.

There are a few minor missteps worth noting. The film opens with the "hidden identity with acid" debacle. I found the scene well executed, and admit is a pretty freaky into for newcomers, but I was mildly insulted at the same time. It convinced me that we Americans are so lacking in patience that we have to have some pulse pounding action sequence thrown at us right at the intro. Also I was really displeased with the way Abby's attacks were handled. Here she jumps around like a wild animal courtesy of CGI effects when she hunts, and it's an incredibly artificial addition to such a well grounded film.

Minor quips aside this film is so much better than I was expecting it to be, and I found it possible to recommend on three different levels. Fans of the original should see it because Reeves has shown a great deal of love and respect to the source material without creating a carbon copy of it. People who have never heard of the original should see it because it a well made thriller with creepy moments and excellent performances. Most importantly people who are obsessed with this vampire soap opera saga bullshit like Twilight and True Blood should see it because this is literally everything you love about this topic only done right. You would be wise to invite this one into your schedule. A-

Assorted Links: The Citizen Kane of Assorted Links Lists

Assorted links for your perusal:

Assorted Links: Finding Chewy, Hodgmania, and the Hoaxiest Hoaxes

Assorted links for your perusal:

Goin' Down

Whether it be in an elevator, your reputation, or to a place you can go to "forget all your troubles and forget all your cares" regardless that it is the bank robbery capital of America, there certainly are a great deal of diverse films going down at the cinema this weekend.

About the only advice I can give to you regarding the new high school sex (minus the actual sex) comedy Easy A is to see it, and see it as soon as possible. This is not just because the film is really good, but because it is so good that in a months time it will have become so over saturated into popular culture that its presence will be inescapable. For every dozen or so stupid high school comedies that get released every few years there always happens to be one that somehow manages to slip through the cracks and stands out from the herd for being funnier, sassier, and especially smarter than than the rest. Much like Juno and Clueless that came before it, this film carries on that tradition.

Olive (Emma Stone) is all but invisible to her fellow students until one day she is overheard telling a lie to her best friend about the loss of her virginity. This causes her to be cast down even further amongst her female peers. Instead of correcting her newfound slutty image she boldly embraces it by wearing lingerie to class, and staging fake hook ups in exchange for gift cards. There are about million different ways this could have gone wrong, but it doesn't. It is fast paced, hilarious, and kinda charming. It helps to be blessed with a terrific cast, especially Ms. Stone who is so sharp and easy to admire. This film also might contain some of the best 'cool' adults ever seen on film with Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson as Olive's almost overly supportive parents, and Thomas Hayden Church is great as well as that one teacher you always wished you had. Easy A lives up to its title and passes with high marks.

After his stellar directorial debut with Gone Baby Gone I had assumed that Director Ben Affleck's follow-up The Town would be yet another Eastwood-esque gem. While it doesn't quite achieve that same caliber of greatness it is still a very well made thriller. Perhaps Michael Mann is the more true source of inspiration here considering it borrows heavily from films like Heat and Public Enemies.

The story is a pretty basic one involving a group of career criminals that perform bank and armored car jobs. During the film's opening heist a woman (Rebecca Hall) is taken hostage and quickly released, but when the group's hot headed wild card James (the amazing Jeremy Renner) becomes concerned that she might blab, the group's leader Doug (Affleck) decides to infiltrate her private life in order to find out what she knows and if she has been talking. In the natural order in films of this nature they end up falling for each other even though she is completely unaware and he is completely aware that he is her former kidnapper.

There are exciting and explosive shootouts and car chases, heavy dramatic turns, and great performances all around. Jon Hamm is given some of the best material as the overconfident FBI agent that you love to hate, and Chris Cooper makes a lasting impression in his five minutes of screen time. It may not crank the temperature up as high as Mann's classic, but it is perfectly acceptable to let Affleck's latest comeback steal a few hours of your time. Plus, when was the last time you got to see a group of nuns packing automatic machine guns?

Speaking of comebacks there are a number of viewers wondering if M. Night Shyamalan's latest writing experiment Devil, which involves a group of strangers trapped in an elevator that are somehow getting bumped off one by one, might be a way for his career to get back on track. A great deal of doubt obviously hangs heavy in the air, but as someone who just doesn't hate the poor guy I decided to step into this lift to find out for myself.

The good news is that the film is mercifully short. With a running time of only eighty minutes it gets right to the point, and doesn't waste a great deal of time. It also effectively kept me guessing which of these five strangers wasn't really human. Every time a different suspect is named the lights would go out and that suspect would be the next one dead. There are some decently creepy moments peppered throughout the film as well. The bad news is that each one of the characters is fairly unlikable and annoying, and after awhile I stopped caring who was going to make it out alive. It appears that in an attempt to regain his former greatness M. Night unwisely plagiarizes his own material (most notably Signs) by declaring that perhaps all of these characters weren't brought together by pure coincidence, and that their fate is preordained. This even goes so far to include the cop trying to handle the situation from the security control booth. The final reveal is also something of a letdown.

This might have worked better as a Twilight Zone episode and for all I know it already has. I actually happen to love paranoid "And Then There Were None" thrillers like John Carpenter's The Thing and Identity, but this just can't compare. As much as I wanted to have sympathy for this devil, I am sorry to say that for M. Night that this beelzedud might in fact have been a further step in the wrong direction. Take the stairs.

Assorted Links: Werner Herzog is Your Guardian Angel


The Gang Screws Me Out of $10

Have you ever thought to yourself "If you are going to rob me at least have the courtesy to use a gun?" Well it appears that Frank (Danny DeVito) has pulled out his trusty side arm, and along with the rest of the cast has swindled some extra cash out of me. Allow me to explain.

The other day I purchased the fifth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but unlike previous seasons this was the first one available on Blu-Ray format. Whenever I am asked if the upgrade is worth it I imagine watching high definition titles like Planet Earth and Blade Runner and think to myself oh yeah, it's worth it. So I plunked down the extra cash ready to see the hilarious depravity in the finest condition possible. Boy was I in for a surprise.

As soon as I stuck the disc in the first thing that pops up is Dennis (Glenn Howerton) pulling up in a Ferrari with a bored looking bikini model sitting next to him. He laughs into the camera and explains that the bad news is since the show was filmed in standard definition there is literally no difference between the Blu-Ray and DVD formats. The good news is the show is still "funny as shit." Then off camera you can hear Charlie (Charlie Day) yell "Have sex with the model!" Since the mood is broken Dennis refuses and Charlie hops in the car with the model, and before pulling away asks her: "Wanna have sex on a pile of Blu-Ray money?"

I was angry but laughing hysterically at the same time. To quote Charlie's lawyer speak "I have been slandered, and I demand satisfaction, but I am going to regress because I fell I have made myself perfectly redundant. Filibuster." I am willing to forgive the gang because yes indeed this season is a winner with characters and situations like Gail the Snail, Birds of War, and Kitten Mittens. Plus at least they were up front about taking my extra money.

Season six starts tonight and I am sure Philly fans such as myself will be in attendance, regardless of the quality.

Assorted Links: Big Bird Would Never Do a Movie About That

Catfish

The poster for Catfish says, "Don't let anyone tell you what it is." Follow this rule, and you will be in for an unusual viewing experience. Catfish is a documentary structured like a thriller. A half hour into the film, I was on the edge of my seat the same way I was when I first watched The Silence of the Lambs.

Catfish is the story of Nev Shulman, a freelance photographer working out of New York who got one of his pictures in the New York Times. He's a good looking guy with a great smile, and rents a studio with his filmmaker brother, Ariel, and their friend Henry Joost. Soon, Nev is corresponding with an 8 year old painter from Michigan named Abby. Abby saw Nev's photo in the Times, paints a picture of it, and mails it to Nev to thank him. Nev mails her another photo, and soon she is mailing back painted reproductions of all of his photographs.

Soon, Abby and her entire family are corresponding with Nev on Facebook. They include her mother, Angela, who is a strikingly beautiful woman who is a ballet dancer, and her 19 year old sister, Megan, also very beautiful, who has instant chemistry with Nev that soon blossoms into a long-distance romance. The two exchange dozens of pictures, talk on the phone, have late-night text chats, and plan to meet very soon.

This is all documented by Ariel and Henry, who begin to make a romantic documentary out of Nev's life, all the while encouraging him to arrange a meeting with Megan and her family.

If I say anything more about this film, I will be giving something away. Let me just say that if Alfred Hitchcock had made a documentary, he would have wanted to make this one. Catfish is spellbinding filmmaking, absolutely thrilling in its initial stages, then just plain bizarre, then rather touching and passionate in its concluding passages. The filmmakers become true journalists, pressing on in a truly compassionate manner and following the story to its very end.

Watch this movie. You'll get something unexpected out of it. Just don't let anyone tell you what it is.

Assorted Links: Somewhere, Someplace New, and Something Stupid


  • Sofia Coppola's Somewhere wins the top honor at the Venice Film Festival. Quentin Tarantino gushes. [Hey, didn't they date once? Doesn't the appearance of impartiality mean anything anymore?]
  • Roger Ebert is planning to resurrect "At the Movies" on PBS. [Did You Know that "Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down" is a registered trademark?!]
  • Which terms were used most often on television this year?  Top three: (1) "BP Spillcam" [Which I have never actually heard anyone say]; (2) "dysfunctional"; and (3) "guido" [Guess why?].  Sounds like we live in a country full of Italo-racists, psychology majors, and disaster enthusiasts.  

Assorted Links: Snakes on a Plane, Eating Their Own Tails

Assorted Links: Mosaic Cinema, Ebert's Iconic Moments, and Gecko meets Geico

  • The magic of the movie-hopping experience: "The surrealists André Breton and Paul Éluard used to enter movie theaters at random and stay only a little while, until the plot became clear to them and the films’ images were drained of their power. In the Cineplex you can do the same thing all in one building. I did that one day this summer. What I saw was not excerpts from ten different movies, but one movie made up of ten interchangeable parts—the imperial power of Hollywood, still alive and well, surviving postmodern fragmentation and resisting détournement."
  • Roger Ebert's 100 Great Moments in the Movies. Pick your favorite and tell us in the comments!  
  • A comical dialogue on the awfulness of Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps.  Did you know that Warren Buffett is actually in this movie?

The Holy Grail

On this, the ninth of September in the year of our lord two thousand and ten, a great personal quest has come to a close with a magnificent triumph. I am pleased to announce that I am now the proud owner of The Criterion Collection edition of John Woo's classic guns-a-blazin' 1992 masterpiece Hard Boiled. I have spent the better part of a decade searching for this extremely rare out of print film, and having never even laid eyes on it before I am still in shock that I only had to pay about a fourth of what I would have shelled out for it. Considering that my personal collection of Criterion films is about a measly forty titles this one now joins the ranks with Verhoeven's Robocop, Demme's Silence of the Lambs, Hitchcock's Rebecca, Pekinpah's Straw Dogs, and Cronenberg's Dead Ringers (all also OOP) as the crown jewel of my collection. I could have just as easily gone on Amazon and purchased them at a high dollar amount, but where is the fun in that? I feel like I have stumbled upon Superman issue #1 Days like today are what make me truly appreciate the hunt.

Don't believe me that this one is hard to get your hands on? Don't take my word for it, but click here to see what Remy from Ratatouille has to say on the subject.

P.S. Don't feel obligated to remind me of how much of a nerd I really am. I'm well aware.

Assorted Links: Blogdanovich, Squinty Bond, and Unhappy Days



Summing Stuff Up in a Sentence or Two

Terriers (TV): It might be a bit of a cliche setup considering it involves a pair of down and out yet refreshingly witty private investigators, but I just so happen to like bulldogs and Donal Logue enough to recommend it. To quote an obscure 70's lyric: "You're a bad dog baby, but I still want you around."

Cabin Fever 2 Spring Fever (DVD): Speaking of obscurity and Undemanded Sequels, would you believe me if I told you that this somehow far surpasses its highly overrated predecessor? I think I can sum this grotesque little gem up with four simple words: Prom night dumpster baby.

The Burning (Netflix Watch Instantly): How did this long lost slasher get forgotten? A burn victim returns to a summer camp seeking revenge by slaughtering numerous teens. Sound familiar? It not only predates both Elm St. and Crystal Lake, but a major shocker at around the 45 min mark convinced me that it is also slightly better. Who cares if the main murder weapon is a pair of garden shears, or that it has a pre-Seinfield Jason Alexander... with hair!

Peter Travers of Rolling Stone clicks Like regarding The Social Network, but have you heard of the 'other' Facebook movie of the year? I can't wait to see both.

Assorted Links: Black Swan-tastic, a Pic-i-nic Basket of Cartoon Nostalgia, and Mr. White's Corporate Coming Out Party

A Woman's Eye View of The American

Gentlemen: These are the top five reactions your date will have to The American.

1. Yawn.

2. Hookers are not that pretty, even in Italy...right?

3. George Clooney is not Steve McQueen.

4. Yawn. Yes, the movie is minimalist and meditative, but the plot should keep you invested. Bullit is an example of how it is done right. The American is not. A movie is not a "thriller" if you know what is going to happen.

5. Clara did not love Edward. She would say anything to get what she wanted, which was to "go to America." See also Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca.

Assorted Links: Passing on Seconds, Dance Party, and Ugly Ducklings That Became Swans

On Machete

I was highly disappointed by Machete. I went in expecting wall to wall sex and violence, and what I got was a convoluted, overly-plotted anti-Republican, anti-Texas, anti-McCain, pro-immigration reform message movie that happened to have sequences of graphic violence and nudity to occasionally shake me from my slumber.

I like anti-Republican/Texas/McCain stuff, but Machete is heavy-handed. There is more talking in this movie than in most dramas. It got boring after about half an hour, after the rousing opening that showed what the movie should have been like.

I think because Machete is the first movie ever made based off a trailer, that Rodriguez backed himself into a corner by including so many stars in the trailer, and subsequently having to write parts for all of them. Machete has no less than five bad guys - Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson, Steven Segal, Tom Savini, and Jeff Fahey - and Fahey, Segal, and Johnson could have been condensed into one character. Johnson comes off the strongest, probably because I haven't seen him in anything since Nash Bridges, and it was great just to see him again. Here, he does something akin to Boss Godfrey in Cool Hand Luke.

If you're looking for something crammed full of over-the-top violence and sex, you won't find it here. Planet Terror is still the film to beat in the current trend of revisionist grindhouse films.

Machete: A Split Decision

I am having a pretty difficult time trying to decide where my loyalties towards Robert Rodriguez's Machete truly lie. I have seen it twice now, and I have found it to be simultaneously dull in some respects and razor sharp in others. After my first initial viewing I was ready to slam it as being just the kind of film that I had respected Anton Corbijn's The American for not being. It is loud, crass, stupid, and relentlessly violent. After my second viewing, this time with some friends and a realization that it wore the above described adjectives like a badge of honor, I found a great deal of fun to be had.

The first five minutes are an absolute trashy delight. We get no less than half a dozen grisly decapitations, Steven Seagal spewing out a laughably bad mexican accent, and a fully nude woman who resourcefully finds a convenient hiding place for her cell phone. The rest of the film unfolds as a revenge tale when ex-federale Machete (Danny Trejo) is framed for attempting to kill a racist senator (Robert De Niro) who wants to construct an electrified fence along the mexican border. This somehow allows the long list other villains (Seagal, Jeff Fahey, and Don Johnson) to control the drug trade.

Machete is given loads of help from a trio ladies. An immigration officer (Jessica Alba), a revolutionary freedom fighter/taco vendor (Michelle Rodriguez), and a wild child turned superhero nun who wields a .357 (Lindsey Lohan). It is worth noting that in true exploitation fashion he eventually ends up bedding all three of them. These scenes actually become a complete riot whenever that stereotypical, bass driven, porno-esque music kicks in. Numerous scenes are also stolen by Cheech Marin who hilariously plays a shotgun packing priest.

From a technical aspect Machete is kind of a marvel when you consider half of this film's footage was shot three years ago and used as a fake trailer in Grindhouse. Rodriguez has seamlessly constructed an entire film around a trailer instead of the other way around. A job that could have been a nightmare for most editors but I am guessing was a dream project for him. I only wish he would have taken the title weapon to the editing room and lopped off a good fifteen minutes.

The performances here are the exact definition of hit and miss. Trejo plays the title character rather well as a gruff hero that speaks softly and carries a big sword. Seagal seems to be having fun playing the bad guy it was just a shame that the majority of his screen time is spent via webcam. I've never really thought of Michelle Rodriguez as attractive, but after her role here I certainly do now. Alba, De Niro, and Lohan however all turn in embarrassing and groan inducing career lows.

I can only recommend this film if you are well aware of exactly what your are getting into (i.e. if you have seen the vastly superior Grindhouse, and want more of the same) considering it is more fun to laugh at than with I also must insist you see it with a group of people that get a kick out of this sort of thing. If you don't then time could draw out like a blade. B-

The Cove (waaaaa)

The Cove is one of the saddest and most graphic documentaries I've ever seen. The setting is Taiji, Japan, which is the location of the cove where dolphins are easily rounded up by Japanese fishermen and either sold to aquariums or swim-with-dolphins-type businesses around the world or slaughtered for consumption. (Did you know that on average a bottlenose dolphin - like Flipper- only costs $150,000? That did not seem that expensive to me and I wondered why Paris Hilton, the animal lover, has never owned a dolphin.) Apparently, at the aquarium in Taiji, you can watch dolphins perform and eat dolphin meat at the same time. The mission of the documentarians is to film the actual slaughter, which takes place in a smaller cove outside of view from any public place in order to cause public outrage and potentially shut down the operation by the local fishermen.

Although this is a compelling cause (who doesn't like dolphins, or wouldn't cringe at the sight of a dolphin being hacked at and struggling for air?), The Cove has a few problems. First, I found it difficult to connect to or even like the activists who are the focus of the documentary. At times, their intensity is too creepy. Other times, they are just silly. I was especially amused by this activist couple who loves to swim with dolphins and whales in the wild while wearing plastic tails (yes, as in a dolphin-looking tail is over their legs). Another activist told the story of a dolphin that "committed suicide in his arms" because the dolphin was tired of being in captivity (i.e. the dolphin stopped breathing on purpose). Second, I thought that the documentary misrepresented the issue a little bit as a "good guys vs. the Japanese" scenario. Obviously, there must be a diversity of opinion within Japan about this issue and its historical and economic underpinnings, but we never got any sense of it. Finally, the premise of the documentary is questionable (will videotaping this actually stop the slaughter?) and you end up wondering whether the insistence on filming the slaughter is more about sticking it to the local establishment that dislikes the western documentarians and their activists' entourage that have descended on their town. The fact is that everyone knows the dolphins get slaughtered and that the local fishermen are likely to continue to do so even after the documentary is released.

In the end, I am still deeply saddened by the sight of any dolphin being hurt and was moved by the documentary. (Yes, I'm a girl and love dolphins and rainbows.) So I am glad that there are people out there that are willing to go great lengths to protect these animals. Overall, C+ for execution, but A+ for taking on this issue.

The American: Bullet with Butterfly Wings

I actually regret not taking my father to see this one. As a man who I know loves the kind of espionage thrillers that Sydney Pollack used to make, and also not only enjoys firearms but the construction and mechanics behind them, I am quite sure that he would have found this film even more fascinating than I did.

The American involves an assassin, weapons manufacturer, and butterfly enthusiast named Edward who is ordered to hide out in a small Italian town after a botched job. While there he is given a new mission to construct a concealable rifle for a client. He also sparks up an ill-advised friendship with the local priest, and an even more risky romantic entanglement involving the local hooker with a heart of gold. To reveal anymore of the very simple plot would involve a spoiler alert.

The main thing that jumped out at me about this film is its silence and subtlety. This is such a quiet and elegant thriller that never feels forced or in your face. Yes there is a chase scene involving cars, guns, and a moped, but what interested me the most was that a thumping Paul Oakenfold techno track blaring over the soundtrack is refreshingly absent. This is an artistic piece that feels like it escaped from the seventies. A film made for adults and audience members with patience. While not entirely original it sometimes feels great to see a film that intrigues more than it exhilarates. B